omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
