Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
