Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
