Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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