If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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