a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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