May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
