Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
