the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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