thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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