I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
