Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
