You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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