So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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