My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize