You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
