I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
