You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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