Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
