Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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