So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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