if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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