a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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