Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No subtext here. People are naked.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
