Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
