He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
