Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.