Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.