i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
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That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.