You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.