just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up