i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
