I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
