For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My penis needs a shock collar
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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