If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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