She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
