I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
