Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
