I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
