I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
