oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
