WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
