wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
