i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
