I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
