Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
