yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hippo gnu deer
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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