i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
