my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
