Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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