the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just cropdusted the office
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
