WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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