so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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