I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
