just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
