Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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