Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
