You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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