Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
