the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
