clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
