"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
