In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
