she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Randomize
