Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
