using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
