I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
