Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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