she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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