whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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