I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
