Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
