We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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