I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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