i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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