Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
