I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
