Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
