i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
