do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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