i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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