We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
