I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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