this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Shame is for Republicans.
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