he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
