I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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