when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
