***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
