i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
