1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she peed on how many people?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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